Thursday, December 8, 2016

QUOTES FROM GEORGIA VOTERS WHO DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE GLOATING IN PUBLIC

Though Donald Trump somehow won the presidential election, some of his supporters still feel iffy expressing their admiration for him or even mentioning in public that they voted for the man. Here are some quotes from Georgia Trump voters, who feel slightly oppressed by their own political sympathies or the possible condemnation of those who feel otherwise:

“I’m what you might call a moderate member of the KKK. I don’t go for hating everybody. I don’t put on the robes much, usually wear dark colors, jeans and what have you. Some of them other guys get kind of worked up about everything and they I guess, surprisingly, they didn’t like Trump. Some of them voted for Cruz in the primary, though, the name, you know, Cruz, doesn’t seem like your KKK type candidate. Honestly, it’s hard to find a white supremacist presidential candidate and the way I figure, Trump is as good as it’s ever going to get, so I voted for him. But I didn’t say nothin’ around the other guys, ‘cause some of them don’t think he’s hateful enough. He’s plenty hateful to me.”

Russ Stamford, Grand Dragon of the Forsyth County KKK

“My wife is a woman and while I was an enthusiastic supporter of President Trump, she seemed to think he was some sort of serial rapist because of all the news reports about all the women he raped. I don’t think that’s the greatest thing that he did there, but what’s more important, I believe, is protecting America from immigration. And, you know, my wife was always making these vomit faces while I was watching Fox News and she didn’t go to the rally in Macon with me, where there were about 8 billion people, all going apeshit. I remember telling my wife how incredible it was when I returned home that night, like when I saw the movie Forrest Gump, and she started making that face and the little noises cats make when they have fur stuck at the back of their throat.”

Ernest Foster, contractor and possessor of a fairly flappy moustache

“I am so happy that Hitlery Clinton was not elected because she would have turned America into a Muslim country, just like Obama tried, where the women all wear these black outfits like they’s evil balloons or something. I am not a fan of these elitists with their ideas and their big words and their smarty pants attitudes toward real people. I come from real people. My daddy worked hard as a stonemason before he dropped dead at age 16 and my mama raised me and my brothers to love America and salute the flag. Of course, I volunteered to get out the vote for Trump. I have been an avid supporter since Day 1. But a few months ago, at work, the one time I wore my “Making American Grapes Again” cap, this mean, angry black lady in the maintenance department was looking at me like I was some kinda mangy dog, like I was some less than human supporter of genuine, pure evil.”

Lillian Baxter Frost, Honda sales department, Zebulon, Georgia

“The thing I like about Trump, as opposed to all those Demoncrats, is that he doesn’t really give a dang. I feel like he’s sorta like me. Sometimes, I get some ideaer in my head and I don’t feel like holding back. I’ll just tell the first person I see what’s on mind. I’m a real personable, friendly kind of fellow, but sometimes the ideaer might be something like why don’t we send all the China people back to Japan or why don’t people learn to speak English good like me, if they want to live in this country and be free to, for instance, order the family sized deal of pizza and chicken wings for $12.99 and eat the whole dang thing themselves. If you go to Iraq, the chicken wings don’t come in fifteen flavors. There’s only like three and one might be black bean hummus or something. What I’m sayin’ is Trump seems like the kind of guy who will tell people what he thunk before he even really thunk it. He just pulls stuff out of everywhichwhere and I can respect that. He just makes it up as he goes along or it makes itself up. And I’m like that. I don’t feel so right, honestly, telling people that I like Trump, though, because I am afraid he might be the antichrist.”

Jackson Turley, long haul truck driver

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