Friday, December 19, 2008


The other night, I saw a story on the television about an ex NBA player who had grown up in a rough, blighted neighborhood of Detroit, where he had recently built a shopping center and was employing 200 people from the neighborhood at a barber shop, pizza place, shoe store and some other businesses. It got me thinking about what I could give back to the community that raised me, Brentwood, on L.A.’s Westside.

If I were ever to become wealthy, I would like to open some more boutiques in Brentwood. Brentwood ladies love boutiques and Brentwood could surely use a few more. As far as I know there are no bakeries for dogs in Brentwood. I would like to open a franchise of Three Dog Bakery in Barrington Court. The poodles and Lhasa Apsos of Brentwood have suffered too long without fresh baked treats. Make the suffering end! I would also like to construct a giant, incredibly ugly, modern Jewish temple. The architecture must be truly repugnant to all the neighbors, who should complain endlessly about it as well as the traffic congestion it creates. It should be like a Frank Gehry knockoff, but more cheaply constructed and with a hideous design that only an overpaid, out-of-touch architect could justify. The rabbi should be a young, liberal, outspoken firebrand who speaks often of transgendered rights to the disdain of his congregation. I also believe Brentwood needs a few more Starbucks because high-strung Brentwood residents don’t care much for waiting in lines. And how has Brentwood survived so long without a Gelson’s! It amazes me. Silver Lake, Century City and the Pacific Palisades have Gelson’s and Brentwood doesn’t. The audacity!

It’s all about not forgetting where I came from; the streets that raised me and made me who I am today. It’s about keepin’ it real yo.

1 comment:

chimatli said...

This is hilarious!