10 WORST THINGS ABOUT LIVING IN THE SOUTH

Dixie Republic in South Carolina

1. The summer is too sticky, nasty, yucky.

2. For the most part, bugs run the place

3. Way too much nutso Jesus b.s.

4. The widespread concept that being a dumb-ass or a redneck dumb-ass is something to be proud of

5. Southern vegetable side dishes are often cooked in bacon fat or some other pork-based grease, so being a vegetarian, I can almost never eat collard greens, black-eyed peas, etc.

6. If you go into a country antique store, it will almost surely contain racist books, dolls, toys, art and various items with offensive images.

7. Too many soldiers, too many parents of soldiers with varying patriotic bumper stickers

8. People are overly fanatical about football

9. There are conservative black Republicans and they don’t necessarily like Obama at all

10. Not everybody is so well edumacated, like the gentleman who emailed me, “Can I meat you at 4 pm?”