While they may seem like an amusement from earlier times when child safety was a futuristic concept, trampolines remain quite popular in the South. All over rural Georgia, you’ll find them in front yards usually with no net for protection. According to some study I found online, there were 91,870 hospital emergency room treated injuries associated with trampolines in 2001, 30% of them were fractures. I guess trampolines are fun to some degree, but a bit outdated like the playgrounds of my youth that featured large metal rockets enticing children to climb them and fall hard on them.
My wooden boy is gonna enjoy his trampoline and them rocks won't hurt him none 'cause he made of wood
Serene, rural trampoline in Rockmart
Protectin' the kids in Asheville, NC
Partially protectin' the kids if they bounce in the right direction. However, if they hit the tree...
trampoline near Blue Ridge Parkway, NC
Let's put it near the highway and next to that tree. After all, we have so many dang kids.
mini-trampoline in Grant Park
Blue is a common color for trampolines. This must be the Wal-Mart brand.
Actual children playing on a trampoline on Jonesboro Rd. in Atlanta
Child in mid-air on trampoline. Of the hundreds of trampolines I've spotted all over, I have only twice witnessed children playing on them.
It was a near perfect Spring day (pre cockroach weather, post pollen season) when we happened into the nowheresville town of Greensboro, Georgia. This is a nice little junction about half way to Augusta from Atlanta, with a fair amount of historical mishmash. The Southland Jubilee was going on, which is basically a town fair that seemed better planned and more fun than the usual crafts and lemonade type town fair, though there were crafts and lemonade, along with agricultural exhibits and farm animals and state fair sort of attractions. Of course, there was funnel cake and many other fried things. The car show was unexpectedly impressive: none of the rockabilly girls with bangs and Latino slicksters one finds at an L.A. car show, these were almost exclusively old couples sitting in lawn chairs with some real nice shiny automobiles, an Edsel, a Lotus, a Pontiac GTO, some old car with a rumble seat, maybe 70 cars in all, a large car show for a small town. Greensboro's attractions were all open, the little history museum and the Old Greene County Gaol jail, where the jail cells were pretty roomy and the hangman's noose was one of the few decorations. Generally, the historical signs you find in all corners of America are written in the most perfunctory manner, but Greensboro's were entertaining, reminding you that some things had once happened in this far-flung neck of the woods. The actor John Lithgow was going to be doing some theater in town and how that came about I have no idea. We had fried green tomato sandwiches and fried pickles at the Yesterday Cafe, a very nice historical restaurant and one of the few places to eat in Greensboro.
"I hate you all!"
This happens to be the weekend of two of Atlanta's major street festivals, the Atlanta Dogwood Festival and the Sweetwater 420 Festival. While enjoying myself in Greensboro, I began reflecting on all the awful street festivals I've been to in Atlanta in the few short years I've been here. Were they all awful, you might inquire? Yes. They all were various shades of lame. One of the weeklies, the Sunday Paper, recently printed a best local festival list. Here are the worst local street festivals that I have been to.
1. The Grant Park Summer Shade Festival I went to this two years ago on a ridiculously hot summer day. It was basically beer, crafts, crummy local bands and overpriced falafels. I think Magnapop plays this every year and I've driven by twice while they were playing and noticed they attracted 50 or more spectators. Not bad. Though, I didn't stop.
2. Sweetwater 420 Festival Really thought this was awful. Crummy local bands and beer, a lot of beer. I guess maybe if I knew somebody in Atlanta, it seemed very social in a beer sort of way.
3. Inman Park Festival This one gets crowded. A lot of crafts. I remember catching the most godawful elderly rock band there. Perhaps the home tour is interesting.
4.The Atlanta Arts Festival This was just crafts up the ass. Is that art?
5. Decatur Book Festival I guess most book festivals are catered to little old ladies and their mystery books and little romantic novels. Yawn.
Selling both freedom fries and Communist vegetarian bbq
As generally unrewarding as paying taxes is, one can also have an unpleasant experience having your taxes prepared. Around Georgia, there is an epic amount of businesses that will prepare your taxes in the most hopeless of settings. Here are some possibilities:
Fast maybe, but
Liberty Tax Service hires folks to dress up as the statue of liberty and hustle customers in passing cars. Does the patriotic aspect of paying taxes give you a tingly feeling?
Mo' Money Taxes is a big chain. Check out their Web site. It's tight. http://www.momoneytaxes.com/index2.html
Excuse me, but you misspell my name on tax form, it is spelled Heiu.
This is down the street from my house. It doesn't look like they are going to replace the X.
This tax place on Memorial Dr. has a car wash right in front. Do these folks wonder why I'm taking a picture of them? Yes, they do.
Do I have to go in that house to meet Mr. Tax?
I can get a refund at 4 in the morning?
Tax offices in Alabama are just as miserable
I think this one is 4 Sale.
I will have some Daisy Go Rounds and Thin Mints, oh and little girl, will you handle my taxes for me? Thank you.
Though I'm quite happy to be living in Atlanta for the time being and would have mixed feelings about moving back to L.A. were it to happen before I felt I had thoroughly explored the South,there are times when I long for places and things that are closer to my heart. Other than family and friends, these are some of the things I find myself sentimentalizing over during the swampy days of August and the rainy, wintry days of February.
1. Casa Bianca Pizza Pie
2. The Downtown L.A. Art Walk
3. The sea breeze (I long for your gentle caresses)
4. Reading the L.A. Times in print (even though the paper is slowly going in the toilet)
5. Warm sun year-round (I took you for granted all those years)
6. The best burritos to be found anywhere (I get more specific below)
7. Culver City
8. Bumping into people I know
9. Psychedelic sunsets
10. Taco trucks
11. Santa Monica Mountains
12. Boba drinks everywhere (Boba Time is my favorite chain)
13. Valley Boulevard (my favorite street in L.A. to wander around from Garfield Ave. in Alhambra heading east)
14. LACMA
15. American Cinematheque and especially the Film Noir Festival in April
16. Pink's Hot Dogs
17. Vegan restaurants everywhere
18. Langer's Deli
19. The Tomorrow Show at the Steve Allen Theatre (though it's not quite the same without Brendon Small and Craig Anton)
20. The Bradbury Building (my favorite piece of architecture in L.A.)
21. Union Station (with the sun pouring in the giant windows)
22. Warm summer evenings without the jungle-like humidity of Atlanta
23. Farmers Market
24. Griffith Observatory (this has really improved, but the parking situation is not so good)
25. UCLA Thrift Store
26. The drive up the 110 (Arroyo Seco Parkway) to Pasadena
32. Korean tacos (can't find those anywhere else I don't think)
Update: Actually, I found out there is a Korean Taqueria in Atlanta. Will head there soon.
33. Biltmore Hotel
34. San Vicente Blvd. to the ocean by car or bicycle
35. Sunset Blvd. from the 405 to the PCH (that would be my favorite segment, the Beverly Hills part is nice too, though the Hollywood section doesn't do anything for me except make me worry about parking)
36. Stan's Doughnuts in Westwood (the chocolate chip doughnut, the blueberry buttermilk doughnut)
37. Bob's Big Boy in Burbank
38. Daytrips to Ventura
39. Pico Blvd. (Next to Valley Blvd. and Sunset, Pico would rank third among my favorite streets and I love the whole thing from Downtown to the beach)
40. Papa Christos (a nice stop on Pico, near where Jabberjaw used to be)
41. Campos Famous Burritos (the avocado burrito at any location)
42. Puebla Tacos in Pasadena
43. The Salvation Army in Pasadena
44. The drive along the 134 through Eagle Rock (near sunset is a good time)
43. The connector to the 110 from Hollywood to Downtown going South
44.The San Gabriel Mountains (there are no real mountains on the East Coast or in the South)
45. The Old Bank District Downtown (I wish that I lived there when I was 23 or so, except that it was messed up then)
46. The Geffen Contemporary at MOCA (generally better exhibits than at the other MOCA location for whatever reason)
47. Los Feliz Blvd. as you cross the L.A. River toward Atwater Village
48. South Pasadena
49. Watching Clippers games (you really have to be an Angeleno to care at all about the Clippers and it is a love/hate relationship for all fans).
50. Griffith Park
51. HMS Bounty on Wilshire (old bars with tons of atmosphere are not something you find in Atlanta)
52. El Cholo (guacamole prepared table side, sitting in the special booth where you get a free plate of nachos)
53. Foggy Westside evenings
54. Main St. in Alhambra (and the Mallternative gang of teenagers that hangs out there)
55. Bahn Mi sandwiches in the San Gabriel Valley
56. Craftsman homes in Pasadena
57. Pickup basketball at the LA Fitness gym on La Cienega (games are at my slow pace)
58. The hot sauce at Flore Vegan in Silver Lake, along with the Eastsider Tacos (I'm always afraid, though, that I'm going to contract hepatitis or herpes from the hipster wait staff)
59. The hot sauce and the JVC burrito at Burrito Express in Pasadena
60. 99 Ranch Market in San Gabriel
61. Orange Grove Boulevard in Pasadena (reminds me of the book Mildred Pierce)
63. The eggless salad (tofu) sandwich at Whole Foods (these are not available at Whole Foods in Atlanta)
64. The Colorado or Suicide Bridge in Pasadena
65. Pupusas everywhere
66. Grand Central Market downtown
67. Ticktocker Thrift Shop in Culver City
68. Jewish Delis on the Westside (Fromin's, Junior's)
69. 99 Cent Only Stores
70. Pickup basketball at the Venice Beach Boardwalk
71. Regional Chinese food
72. Horchata (It's available here, but it tastes better in L.A. for some reason)
73. Old diners in the San Gabriel Valley (even the ones with crummy food)
74. Glendale Avenue in Glendale (especially the very Armenian part south of Colorado)
75. Brand Bookshop in Glendale
76. Din Tai Fung Dumpling House in Arcadia
77. Alta Dena Cottage Cheese (can't find that in Georgia)
78. So many art house movie theaters and movie theaters in general
79. Sunset Junction Street Fair
80. Tacos La Flama in West L.A. (Is the menu the same as Campos?This used to be a Campos. Anyhow, this place on Barrington is even better)
81. Mario's Italian Deli in Glendale
82. Washington Boulevard in Pasadena(a lot of varied neat stuff on this street like weird, old gas stations)
83. Altadena
84. Little Saigon
85. The old theaters on Broadway Downtown, though I've never been inside the majority of them
86. Musso & Frank Grill
87. City Hall (not so much the people inside, but the iconic, phallic building)
88. Videotheque in South Pasadena
89. Neurotic Jews everywhere (mostly in their cars late to get somewhere)
90. Tough Latinos everywhere (I have never seen a tough looking Latino in Atlanta)
91. Santa Anita Race Track
92. Coyotes (never seen one of those in Atlanta)
93. Mulholland Drive (a good place to bump into coyotes)
94. The 101 drive into Hollywood from the Valley with the view of the Capitol Records building
95. Vietnamese food everywhere
96. Zelo cornmeal crust pizza in Arcadia
97. The Mid-Wilshire District
98. bicycling on the beach
99. Museum of Jurassic Technology
100. Things that have disappeared in recent years such as the Mann National Theater, Laemmle's One Colorado Cinemas, the Rialto Theatre, Rhino Records, Dutton's Books, Gene de Chene Books, the Westwood Arcade and the Ambassador Hotel.
Tire shops are ubiquitous in Georgia easily outnumbering stores that sell things you might actually want. I have pondered why there are so many and the first thing that came to mind is that it does rain a fair amount and after the rain there are a lot of potholes, which could cause significant tire damage. However, I would speculate that the real reason for so many tire shops is a general lack of imagination. Just because you have a bunch of old tires laying around your property and like to mess with cars doesn't mean you should open a tire shop in a saturated market.
On one occasion, I did visit a local tire shop, the late, great Blessing Tire Shop or Blessen Tire Shop (the spelling depends on which side of the building you are looking at). Being a Westside Jew unaccustomed to Southern ways hobbling in on an old flat tire, I naturally assumed that I would be purchasing a new tire or set of tires. Instead, the fella there pulled a nail out of my tire and fixed it for $5. He told me that I could pay him any amount I wanted for filling the tires with air. A month later, a comparatively sleek looking tire store opened across the street (actually I believe they just renovated the place) from Blessing Tire Shop and not surprisingly, Blessing went out of business. It was a cheerless end to a not quite glorious institution.
Anyhow, tire shops in Georgia tend to be exceptionally bedraggled and somewhat photogenic:
$20 max. Can't beat that price.
$20 seems to be the going rate for a used tire
Some tire stores expand into the rim business.
Designing their signs seems to be an afterthought
No more tires
People or at least one person has taken to sitting in front of Blessing Tire Shop. I apologize for not having any photos of it in its glory days when it was up and running and the sun shined high in the sky.
It likely wasn't such a great day for Blessing Tire Shop. Nope, I don't think it was.
You would never guess it by looking at my Jew ass, but I play a fair amount of pickup basketball, and have for several years, even though I have the most limited skills and I'm neither in shape, nor athletic. Since moving to Atlanta, I have witnessed some very serious basketball played at pickup games. The game here is an exceedingly different one than the game played in L.A.
Defense is often an afterthought in pickup games, but in Atlanta, individuals and thrown-together teams play real defense and win by stopping the other team. It's rare that I've ever seen anyone dunk in a pickup game in L.A. In Atlanta, it's a common occurrence. There might be three different guys on one team who dunk in a game. I've seen some flashy dunks, off the backboard and such.
I wouldn't say the game is necessarily more competitive in Atlanta because even the crummiest pickup game can be competitive. But the games do resemble something you might actually want to watch as opposed to guys arguing with each other after every play, not that that doesn't happen in Atlanta too.
Pickup games in L.A. tend me to be more multiethnic, while in Atlanta, games are more multiethnic in the suburbs, where I can find games where I actually fit in skill-wise. (I'm a member of the LA Fitness gym which has 25 or more gyms in the Atlanta area, so I have plenty of choices as to where to play.) Naturally, I try not to insert my not-at-all athletic self into competitive games where just my presence on the court will help the other team win. But I do often find myself in games where everyone's ability level is way beyond mine and where I'm the only white guy.
It's often the case that here in the South, while playing in a gym, someone shouts something to me or at me and I have no idea what they are saying. It's a combination of a Southern accent and the acoustics of a gym that make their taunts or whatever undecipherable to me. However, I can usually understand "Play defense!" or "Guard yo' man!" One time this guy fell down kicking me slightly and asked "Are you straight?" I could only think that he was referring to the many gay guys that work out in this particular gym in Atlantic Station in Midtown. I replied "What?" He repeated, "Are you straight?" and taken aback I replied, "What do you mean by that?" He then explained, "I kicked you in the knee. Are you straight?" It was actually just Southern hospitality rearing its head at an odd moment. I said "Yes. I'm straight" and we resumed the game.
The biggest difference I've noticed in Atlanta from elsewhere is how the game 21 is played. I've played in Upstate New York too and have observed how the game can be played in many different variations. For those who don't know the game, 21 can be played by any number of players at one basket. The person with the ball can be guarded by one or more players and gets two points for each basket. In L.A., you shoot from the free throw line after each basket, making one point each, and can make up to three baskets in a row after which you take the ball out. In Atlanta, you shoot your free throws from the three point line. (This reminds me that another difference in pickup basketball is that three pointers count for two points in Atlanta, while in L.A. they usually count as regular one-point shots). Each person in 21 counts up their own points. When you get to 20, in L.A. you shoot from the three-point line to win; in Atlanta, you sometimes shoot from near half court, though not always. If you miss that final shot, you go back to 15. The half court shot, when the game is played that way, can drag the game on forever. In L.A., 21 is usually played by 3 to 5 players, while in Atlanta, it can be up to 9 guys playing. It's my Jew-ass opinion that playing 21 with 9 guys is a mess (especially because I never manage to grab a rebound and if I do the ball is immediately stolen from me), but it's a popular way to play here. In L.A., with that many people, you would likely play three on three or four on four, which is rare in Atlanta for whatever reason. Also, people slam dunk during games of 21 here, which I have never once seen in L.A.
I guess another main difference for me playing here is that I often feel out of place, but am determined to play anyways because it's fun and an excellent workout. When my hair is long, I wear a headband and look like Björn Borg if he had been really out of shape. One time a guy asked me if I was Spanish. I might as well be a lisping Spanish dude wearing pantaloons. Though, I guess it's sort of an American trait that even if you suck at something (though, I don't quite suck, I can play OK defense and occasionally shoot the three), no matter the glances others give you or the undecipherable taunts you receive, you keep at it stubbornly.
I often find myself sentimentalizing about various aspects of L.A., such as Glenoaks Boulevard or TV Café, which no one in their right mind should give a damn about. One place, though, that I have zero affection for and which actually physically sickens me is Montana Avenue in Santa Monica, where every third person is carrying a yoga mat. Here is a sort of bitter high school type poem, which might be scrawled on notebook paper during detention, about the insidiousness of Montana Avenue:
Aromatherapeutic quaint afternoon latte sipping organic kitchenware pit of hell burn boutique burn Williams-Sonoma face explosion dog pillow emporium for plastic surgery victims eating Tuscan wood-fired chicken alfredo death burgers beauty salon where the souls of the dead rise and ravage the creative hairstyles of the pilates Nazis holistic whore with spectacular collage art on display your novelty dog and cat sweaters don’t fit and aren’t cute.
I am a Jew from the Westside of Los Angeles, where there are many such Jews. About nine or so years ago, my wife and I moved to Atlanta, Georgia. They call Atlanta "The North of the South." You can find tapas, good rye bread, art house films and forlorn antiwar protests in Atlanta like you can in any sprawling metropolitan American city. But thirty minutes or so outside of Atlanta, you enter the real South. Confederate flags start popping up every-which-where. People transform from being a little bit chubby into massive, undulating blobs. Crumbling, one-block-long towns beckon you to stop at the Supreme Fish Delight or the abandoned house with trees growing out of its windows. One thing that has really surprised me about the South is that it is really more Southern than I ever could have imagined. In these pages, I shall attempt to explore and understand these exotic, foreign lands, but I will do it from the perspective of a latte-sipping, conscientiously-recycling, NPR-listening, Whole-Foods-shopping, vegetarian Jew-Ass-Jew from the Westside.
Trampoline in Gay, GA
Serene, rural trampoline in Rockmart
trampoline near Blue Ridge Parkway, NC
mini-trampoline in Grant Park
mini-trampoline in Grant Park
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